The Burnout Gap: Why High-Achieving Women Still Feel Exhausted After 8 Hours of Sleep
I remember that morning. Woke up, showered, made my coffee, carried it to my desk like I had a thousand times before. Sat down. Stared at my laptop.
And I couldn't turn it on.
And then I cried. I didn't know why. I couldn't name it.
But that morning didn't come out of nowhere.
My colleagues had a nickname for it: "the look." The daggers coming out of my eyes when someone added one more to-do to my already ridiculous list. They'd tease me about it later, gently, because they knew. I was "Lori with her hair on fire" before my partner Dave ever coined the phrase. I thought I was managing it. I thought that was just... stress. Everyone has stress. You push through, right?
Then there was Australia. I was there for work, and I was prepared. I walked into that room to present, opened my mouth... and my mind went completely blank. Everything I'd prepared. Poof. Gone. I stood there smiling like an idiot, truly a deer in the headlights. One of my colleagues had to take over while I sat there in disgrace, trying not to cry. In the cab on the way back to the airport, I cried as I apologized profusely to my boss who was with me. Luckily he was very kind about it.
But I knew. Something was very, very wrong. This is not me at all! I'm the one that makes things happen! I'm the one others look to for answers. What the actual F?
Something was very, very wrong, and I kept pushing through anyway.
The Burnout Gap
Maybe this is you, too. You're "tired but wired" at bedtime, desperate for sleep, brain racing like it's solving world peace. You forget things you shouldn't forget. You snap at people you love.
You used to bounce back from a hard week with a good weekend. Then it took a vacation. Then the vacation didn't work. Now you're just... running on a deficit that keeps compounding.
This is your nervous system keeping score. And then, out of the blue, when you least expect it, at the worst possible time, it will no longer be ignored.
What Your Body Is Actually Doing
I'm not going to give you a biology lecture (you're welcome). Just this: your body has two settings, fight-or-flight and rest-and-digest, and it cannot tell the difference between a lion chasing you and your boss's "urgent" 9pm email. Same chemical flood, every single time. Blood to your muscles, heart racing, and your immune system and digestion get told to wait, because right now you need to RUN.
Stay in that mode all day, every day, and your body can't heal. It's too busy surviving to repair anything. Your brain suffers too, stress makes you stupid, as I lovingly like to say, and I don't care how smart you are. Memory goes. Emotions turn into a landmine. You stop recognizing yourself.
That blank moment in Australia was my nervous system saying "I am done." Not my competence. Not my preparation. My BODY. It had been holding on by a thread, and that thread finally snapped.
The High-Achiever's Trap
Here's what makes this so insidious for women like us. Our identity IS our capability. We're the ones who show up no matter what. We built our careers, our relationships, our sense of self on being able to push through.
Rest feels like failure. Self-care feels indulgent. Saying no feels selfish.
I spent 40 years in corporate tech. I was the person you called when everything was on fire. I took pride in that. And if I may be so bold, I was good at it. And I paid for it with my health, my peace, and almost my sanity.
Self-care is NOT selfish. It's NECESSARY. But I'm not going to tell you that it's like a spa day and a bubble bath. For us, self-care is SURVIVAL. And it can be tackled in small, regular steps.
What Actually Helped Me
During my last 15 years in corporate, I spent time studying why this happens and what actually fixes it. I got certified in Yoga, Reiki, Primordial Sound Meditation, Ayurveda, and Total Well-being coaching. I also love reading books that scientifically show the correlation between stress and disease.
I finally left corporate because I had had enough. My new passion was to share this healing wisdom with women like you, who also struggle with feeling like we have to keep saying "yes" and push to get that promotion, or the bonus, etc. The high stress looks good on paper, but it wreaks havoc on your health and wellbeing.
You don't DO anything, you just lie down and let the energy handle the rest. For a high-achiever, that's basically revolutionary. My first session, I figured I'd just relax. Instead I felt things move, literally, tension I didn't know I was carrying. I slept that night like I hadn't slept in years.
A personal mantra that quiets the stress response at its source. I'm a meditation instructor and I still let my practice slip sometimes (I'm human, not a guru), and I feel the difference immediately. Even five minutes counts. Even a faltering practice counts.
It was so hard dealing with it alone. I was too good at overriding my own signals. I needed someone to see me, name the pattern, and hold me accountable to rest, then guide me with small steps that bring big results.
The Grief and the Power
I had to grieve. I'm not going to lie to you about that. I had to mourn the version of myself who could push through anything, sleep four hours, and still show up shiny. She's not coming back. And honestly? Thank God.
Because what I found on the other side is better. It's not less ambition. It's not less capability. It's showing up fully without paying with my health. It's being present for my partner, my work, my life, without destroying myself.
Never give up. Not on yourself. Not now. But maybe give up on the lie that you have to do it all, alone, on empty.
Your Next Step: The 2-Minute Reiki Self-Hold
Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Place one hand over your heart. Place the other over your belly. | |
Breathe normally. Don't force it. Just notice your breath and feel your hands on your body. Stay here for 2 minutes. That's it. | |
Notice: what shifts? What softens? What do you hear when you stop producing and start receiving? | |
Do this once today. Then again tomorrow. Consistency, not intensity. This is how you rebuild trust with your body, two minutes at a time. |
If this resonates, if you're tired of being tired and ready to rebuild instead of push through, I'm here. No sales, just conversation and personalized guidance. Let's figure out what YOUR nervous system needs.
Mindset is everything, even when your body is begging you to stop. Your energy isn't gone. It's buried under years of "push through." Choose YOU. Let's dig it out together.
Disclaimer
I'm not a medical doctor. What I share comes from my training in Ayurveda, energy work, meditation, and years of coaching women through stressful times. I provide natural healing wisdom that's easily incorporated into your daily life, helping to relieve stress and many of its side effects. This is not a substitute for medical advice. Always loop in your healthcare provider.
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